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Ερώτηση
Hi
I'm a desperate mother of 3 adult children surching for some light in my problem. I've just found one of your answers to another mother with a similar problem and i really appreciated the way you help people. Hope you can offer me a bit of advice as well I do no know what else to do.
My daughter is suffering from severe depression diagnosed from a psychiatris. The problem actually started when she was 15 when she kept closed in her room for 3 months. She asked from us to paint the wall black and she stayed there avoiding seeing anyone or letting or a doctor offer some help. A year later she returned to school and manged to finish gianing good grades and passing the university entrance exams. She started her studies and during the second year, after her grandmother death she had another depression episode. She did not accept any medical help but she accepted the help and assistance coming from her firends and she managed to recover after some months. She finished her studies in psychology and came back to our town to search for a job. After a couple of interviews for different jobs she got really disappointed and had another episode. She kept indoors for two years, doing nothing apart from eating, sleeping and surfing the net. Two years later and after persistent efforts from my she desiced to take a course for a master degree. She was doing very well, she was very satisfied with her studies and she had many friends and a good social life till May 2010. During the exams she had a sudden serious cough infection which kept her away from her exam. This caused her a lot of stress and panic attacks. She had a very difficult time with migrane, loss of appetite and sleep. She was diagnosed severe depression and put her under heavy medication. She stayed indooors for many months and she stopped seeing and going out with her friends. She lost everyone again. The pscychiatrist we visited in our country diagnosed depression with intense stress and put her under very strong antidepressants and ancholytic medicine and asked her to see a pshychologist as well. Unfortunately she refused that but she agreed with the medication. Today 10 months after the last episode with panic attacks she remains in the same condition: very worried about her exams, full of stress about her studies. SHe wants to finish off with her studies, which means taking her exams (only one module) and writing her dissertation. But unfortunately she is cannot do anything. Many times she tried to concentrate on her books but she cannot and she gets disappointed. She only eats (very little and usually sweets and chocolate), sleeps during the day and watch online videos and films during the night. This is her condition now.
I am really desperate, do not know what else to do. Even a word from you is comforting. I cannot understand what is happening to her and i am very sad seeing her spoiling her life. SHe does not want to leave the city because she feels guilty to interrupt her studies, but she cannot study. She sleeps throughout the day and wakes up in the evening. She never sees the light. And she is in front of the computer screen for many many hours just watching. I tried so many times to talk to her but she stops me. She told me many times I am ok or 'this is my life, you have to accept this'. I wonder why to take such a strong medication for nothing? Her condition is similar to the one before going and before starting taking the antidepressants.
Please please any word from you is really valuable. I am really desperate. I think i am under depression myself because of all these.
You can answer me in Greek or English, for me it is the same.
Many many thanks
I'm a desperate mother of 3 adult children surching for some light in my problem. I've just found one of your answers to another mother with a similar problem and i really appreciated the way you help people. Hope you can offer me a bit of advice as well I do no know what else to do.
My daughter is suffering from severe depression diagnosed from a psychiatris. The problem actually started when she was 15 when she kept closed in her room for 3 months. She asked from us to paint the wall black and she stayed there avoiding seeing anyone or letting or a doctor offer some help. A year later she returned to school and manged to finish gianing good grades and passing the university entrance exams. She started her studies and during the second year, after her grandmother death she had another depression episode. She did not accept any medical help but she accepted the help and assistance coming from her firends and she managed to recover after some months. She finished her studies in psychology and came back to our town to search for a job. After a couple of interviews for different jobs she got really disappointed and had another episode. She kept indoors for two years, doing nothing apart from eating, sleeping and surfing the net. Two years later and after persistent efforts from my she desiced to take a course for a master degree. She was doing very well, she was very satisfied with her studies and she had many friends and a good social life till May 2010. During the exams she had a sudden serious cough infection which kept her away from her exam. This caused her a lot of stress and panic attacks. She had a very difficult time with migrane, loss of appetite and sleep. She was diagnosed severe depression and put her under heavy medication. She stayed indooors for many months and she stopped seeing and going out with her friends. She lost everyone again. The pscychiatrist we visited in our country diagnosed depression with intense stress and put her under very strong antidepressants and ancholytic medicine and asked her to see a pshychologist as well. Unfortunately she refused that but she agreed with the medication. Today 10 months after the last episode with panic attacks she remains in the same condition: very worried about her exams, full of stress about her studies. SHe wants to finish off with her studies, which means taking her exams (only one module) and writing her dissertation. But unfortunately she is cannot do anything. Many times she tried to concentrate on her books but she cannot and she gets disappointed. She only eats (very little and usually sweets and chocolate), sleeps during the day and watch online videos and films during the night. This is her condition now.
I am really desperate, do not know what else to do. Even a word from you is comforting. I cannot understand what is happening to her and i am very sad seeing her spoiling her life. SHe does not want to leave the city because she feels guilty to interrupt her studies, but she cannot study. She sleeps throughout the day and wakes up in the evening. She never sees the light. And she is in front of the computer screen for many many hours just watching. I tried so many times to talk to her but she stops me. She told me many times I am ok or 'this is my life, you have to accept this'. I wonder why to take such a strong medication for nothing? Her condition is similar to the one before going and before starting taking the antidepressants.
Please please any word from you is really valuable. I am really desperate. I think i am under depression myself because of all these.
You can answer me in Greek or English, for me it is the same.
Many many thanks
Απάντηση
Dear X,
Thank you for writing and sharing your problem with us. It is very normal for you to be feeling like this, having to deal with what’s happening in your child’s life. First of all, in order to be able to help her, you need to get support yourself. Remember that when we are in a plane, we are reminded that in case of an emergency, first the adults should wear their oxygen masks before they put it on their children. Parents are not super human and need to be supported and prepared for the role they can or should play in their child’s life.
Second of all, if your child has been diagnosed with depression, anti-depressants alone will not be as effective as in combination with psychotherapy. She needs to see a professional, who will help her understand her depression and support her in taking responsibility for her life. You don’t mention anything about her relationship to you and your husband. Does she feel close to you? Is there anyone in her life that she is truly connected to? Stress and panic attacks can be triggered by a sense of loss and feelings of insecurity. She needs to feel connected and that her emotional needs will be met. A professional will also be able to help her to see how any faulty beliefs she may have may be responsible for her depression. He or she will also help her to re-evaluate the choices she has made for herself and whether she still values them enough to pursue them. Depression and stress need to be managed, as they can also negatively affect her performance at university.
Unfortunately, noone can force her to see a psychologist, and she’ll only benefit from counselling if she decides on her own that she needs help. In the meantime, I would remind her that there is a psychologist on campus, whom she can visit for free, and that many students take advantage of this service. You could try listening to her and her concerns and show her that you understand and will stand by her in her search for meaning and happiness. This will bring you closer and you will give her the opportunity to ’connect’ with a quality person in her life. You could also offer to visit her and spend some time with her now that she’s preparing for exams in order to ’be there’ for her and offer her any support she feels she can get from you.
Yours
D.S.
Thank you for writing and sharing your problem with us. It is very normal for you to be feeling like this, having to deal with what’s happening in your child’s life. First of all, in order to be able to help her, you need to get support yourself. Remember that when we are in a plane, we are reminded that in case of an emergency, first the adults should wear their oxygen masks before they put it on their children. Parents are not super human and need to be supported and prepared for the role they can or should play in their child’s life.
Second of all, if your child has been diagnosed with depression, anti-depressants alone will not be as effective as in combination with psychotherapy. She needs to see a professional, who will help her understand her depression and support her in taking responsibility for her life. You don’t mention anything about her relationship to you and your husband. Does she feel close to you? Is there anyone in her life that she is truly connected to? Stress and panic attacks can be triggered by a sense of loss and feelings of insecurity. She needs to feel connected and that her emotional needs will be met. A professional will also be able to help her to see how any faulty beliefs she may have may be responsible for her depression. He or she will also help her to re-evaluate the choices she has made for herself and whether she still values them enough to pursue them. Depression and stress need to be managed, as they can also negatively affect her performance at university.
Unfortunately, noone can force her to see a psychologist, and she’ll only benefit from counselling if she decides on her own that she needs help. In the meantime, I would remind her that there is a psychologist on campus, whom she can visit for free, and that many students take advantage of this service. You could try listening to her and her concerns and show her that you understand and will stand by her in her search for meaning and happiness. This will bring you closer and you will give her the opportunity to ’connect’ with a quality person in her life. You could also offer to visit her and spend some time with her now that she’s preparing for exams in order to ’be there’ for her and offer her any support she feels she can get from you.
Yours
D.S.