Dear X,


Thank you for writing to share your problem with us. It is difficult to understand exactly what is going on in your life, as you have given us very little information. Are you a student or do you work? Is what you do your chosen field or did your parents in some way influence you? Are you satisfied in other areas of your life, such as friendships, relationships and social life?


If what you are striving to be achieve is what you personally value and feel will give meaning and purpose to your life, I feel it wouldn't be necessary for you to constantly bring to mind a person who is successful. It seems that the reason you engage in this and in a ritual of 'weird things' is a need to motivate and remind yourself to succeed. This can be very anxiety-provoking and counter-productive. In other words, trying hard to achieve something that doesn't personally motivate you may lead to failure and leave you alienated from yourself and your own goals. It is the body's way of telling you that you are not living authentically, true to your own values and expectations of yourself. When we are doing something that fulfills us, every achievement of ours is the motivation for us to continue to our next goal, which will eventually lead to our success. We then have no urgent or compulsive need to imagine someone else who has achieved success.


If you are trying to achieve something in order to please society or your parents, or your parents have forced you to follow this path, you could have a talk with them, expaining how you feel. It will give you the opportunity to discuss other options that are available and which of these options they are able to support you in pursuing. They may not have realised how your present studies or job is affecting you.

What's more, if you have poor relationships with friends and family, you will probably also be feeling very lonely and isolated, which will make matters even worse. We all need support from others and need to allow 'quality' people into our lives. If this is the case with you, you could take small steps towards connecting with people that you think could enhance your life.


Being alone without having anyone to share our concerns with can be frightening. However, you will be surprised how people are willing to help when you allow yourself to share your pain with them. If you are a student, you could see a student counsellor who will be available to see you and discuss your problem confidentially. These services are free for students, so you needn't hesitate to make use of them.


I hope we have been of help,

God luck

D.S.