Κατηγορίες
Tag cloud
αυτοκτονία επικοινωνία φόβος εξωτερική εμφάνιση κιλά σωματικό βάρος αποδοχή απομόνωση μοναξιά άγχος πίεση ομοφυλοφιλία σεξουαλική ταυτότητα διάβασμα ανεργία none
Ερώτηση
Dear Brother/Sister,
I work for a company. I am from a small town. I have very poor relationships with my parents, sisters, brothers and their children. Mine is a big family of 15 members, we lived under the same shelter for a long time until now. When I was 14, I started masturbating which made me physically weak, in quite a few occasions I was ridiculed as a result I developed very strong fear of rejection. Nobody from family were ready to help me, adding salt to the wound they too ridiculed me. My parents and family members were very illogical and orthodoxical and superstitious, which left me bowled, illogical before my friends. I had a very strong guilt to have commited a big blunder due to which I have become weak and was thinking that I cant marry anybody because of premature ejaculation. I now any how dont have the inhibition about masturbation but I wonder if I can have a married life with the kind of erection and prolonged sustainance with my wife as i had in teens, naturally with out any medication.
I am not married, I am 29 now. I am doubtful about it. I any how managed to finish my engineering with second class, by then my family was struggling and was starving, nobody was earning and everybody was complaining everybody. I was pushed with just little money to earn for them. I was reticent, indignant, did not wear comfortable dress in my teen ages. I was very low in self confidence and self esteem, I was convinvced of the responsibilty to earn the livelihood of the family and make money for my younger sisters marriage. I was suffering, I was sacrificing my comforts for the family. In the name of religion and goodness they were pushing me to do so. For the sake of seeking support from our relatives my parents relocated to coimbatore where my other sisters are married to, and finally she got married putting the debt on me. After 6 years of working I couldnt make a career I was wandering here and there and was keen in making money. As a result now I dont have a proper career and couldnt make money as my contemporaries did. During these six years I had a terrible period of 1.5 years working for a company during which I was oppressed to the extent that I cannot open my mouth, whatever I utter is wrong and ridiculed, I had pits during that period. I tolerated all these for my family. Now when they call me incapable and weak, I developed a strong sense of guilt to have been cheated, to have exploited.
I developed strong hatred towards everybody. The same brothers and sisters are very concerned and particular while bringing up their children. The same people remained silent and found all means to milk of me. I got into spiritual reading and manged to continue, but now when i examine my current life, I dont have any light in my life, I dont love anybody, I dont have friends, I dont know how I get in to a mess every where I go to work. My colleagues hate me, my relatives hate me. I dont have any thing to discuss or chat with my family members, everything looks futile, all the fun we can have with them looks pale and rhetoric. I lost spontaniety. I call home just to speak to my mother to ask "How are you?". Sometimes I fear if I will become like a beggar on the roads. I had suicide intentions also. Please suggest me the ways to become alive and spontaneous. Please help me.
Thanks
I work for a company. I am from a small town. I have very poor relationships with my parents, sisters, brothers and their children. Mine is a big family of 15 members, we lived under the same shelter for a long time until now. When I was 14, I started masturbating which made me physically weak, in quite a few occasions I was ridiculed as a result I developed very strong fear of rejection. Nobody from family were ready to help me, adding salt to the wound they too ridiculed me. My parents and family members were very illogical and orthodoxical and superstitious, which left me bowled, illogical before my friends. I had a very strong guilt to have commited a big blunder due to which I have become weak and was thinking that I cant marry anybody because of premature ejaculation. I now any how dont have the inhibition about masturbation but I wonder if I can have a married life with the kind of erection and prolonged sustainance with my wife as i had in teens, naturally with out any medication.
I am not married, I am 29 now. I am doubtful about it. I any how managed to finish my engineering with second class, by then my family was struggling and was starving, nobody was earning and everybody was complaining everybody. I was pushed with just little money to earn for them. I was reticent, indignant, did not wear comfortable dress in my teen ages. I was very low in self confidence and self esteem, I was convinvced of the responsibilty to earn the livelihood of the family and make money for my younger sisters marriage. I was suffering, I was sacrificing my comforts for the family. In the name of religion and goodness they were pushing me to do so. For the sake of seeking support from our relatives my parents relocated to coimbatore where my other sisters are married to, and finally she got married putting the debt on me. After 6 years of working I couldnt make a career I was wandering here and there and was keen in making money. As a result now I dont have a proper career and couldnt make money as my contemporaries did. During these six years I had a terrible period of 1.5 years working for a company during which I was oppressed to the extent that I cannot open my mouth, whatever I utter is wrong and ridiculed, I had pits during that period. I tolerated all these for my family. Now when they call me incapable and weak, I developed a strong sense of guilt to have been cheated, to have exploited.
I developed strong hatred towards everybody. The same brothers and sisters are very concerned and particular while bringing up their children. The same people remained silent and found all means to milk of me. I got into spiritual reading and manged to continue, but now when i examine my current life, I dont have any light in my life, I dont love anybody, I dont have friends, I dont know how I get in to a mess every where I go to work. My colleagues hate me, my relatives hate me. I dont have any thing to discuss or chat with my family members, everything looks futile, all the fun we can have with them looks pale and rhetoric. I lost spontaniety. I call home just to speak to my mother to ask "How are you?". Sometimes I fear if I will become like a beggar on the roads. I had suicide intentions also. Please suggest me the ways to become alive and spontaneous. Please help me.
Thanks
Απάντηση
The fact that you decided to write to us and share your feelings and fears with us is an indication that you do have hope of a better life and future. Sometimes when we have noone to share our pain with, it becomes bigger and we feel it’s going to be the same for ever.... as you say ’I don’t have any light in my life..’
It sounds to me that you have always followed the wishes of others...your parents, your siblings, your colleagues, without paying attention to your own needs. As a result, you are feeling unappreciated, not respected and your voice is not being heard. In order for us to become authentic, we need to live by our values and pursue our personal needs. When our own needs are not met, our self-esteem is undermined and it becomes even more necessary for us to obey the wishes of others. By satisfying other people’s needs, we subconsciously
rely on other people’s approval of us in order to feel good. This puts us in a very vulnerable position, as others may not be sensitive enough to ’reward’ your self-sacrificing actions, are inconsistent, or don’t adequately acknowledge your sacrifices. When you start living your life by your own values, you will find that you need others approval less, and are relying more on self-approval to enhance your self-esteem.
It would be a good idea to start becoming mindful of your priority needs – those that you feel make life worth living, that make you feel more alive and give purpose to your life. Think about how you relate to your culture and which aspects of it you’re willing to keep or reject. Be determined to change in the areas you believe to be important, even if you feel your family will be against it. As long as you don’t humiliate them or put them in any danger, and assure them that you care for them, they will gradually come to accept the new you and even become willing to support you in the direction of your choice. When you have become aware of what you want to change in your life, and decided how you are going to achieve your goals, talk to your loved ones about these decisions. Be assertive. That is, tell them how you feel and what you have decided in a clear way without humiliating them or making them feel less important than you.
Everyone needs friends and family in their lives, and now that you are going through all these disappointments, you will need them even more. What is important is to have relationships in your life that are meaningful, where both their and your needs are met. For this to be possible, there need to be boundaries. This means that your relationship with every person is different, and each person in every relationship must be aware of what he/she can do or can’t do in order not to overstep the line. This makes us trust and respect people and also gives us the opportunity to ask for support when we need it. The same applies with colleagues at work. If no ’boundaries’ have been set, people will take advantage of you, undermine you and generally not respect you. Try to be consistent in communicating in an assertive way and focus on your future goals. Remember that we cannot please everyone all the time. There will be those who refuse to change their behaviour towards you even though you have changed in the direction of your choice. We can only change ourselves, not others, so continue pursuing your objectives even if others stay the same.
Good luck
D.S.
It sounds to me that you have always followed the wishes of others...your parents, your siblings, your colleagues, without paying attention to your own needs. As a result, you are feeling unappreciated, not respected and your voice is not being heard. In order for us to become authentic, we need to live by our values and pursue our personal needs. When our own needs are not met, our self-esteem is undermined and it becomes even more necessary for us to obey the wishes of others. By satisfying other people’s needs, we subconsciously
rely on other people’s approval of us in order to feel good. This puts us in a very vulnerable position, as others may not be sensitive enough to ’reward’ your self-sacrificing actions, are inconsistent, or don’t adequately acknowledge your sacrifices. When you start living your life by your own values, you will find that you need others approval less, and are relying more on self-approval to enhance your self-esteem.
It would be a good idea to start becoming mindful of your priority needs – those that you feel make life worth living, that make you feel more alive and give purpose to your life. Think about how you relate to your culture and which aspects of it you’re willing to keep or reject. Be determined to change in the areas you believe to be important, even if you feel your family will be against it. As long as you don’t humiliate them or put them in any danger, and assure them that you care for them, they will gradually come to accept the new you and even become willing to support you in the direction of your choice. When you have become aware of what you want to change in your life, and decided how you are going to achieve your goals, talk to your loved ones about these decisions. Be assertive. That is, tell them how you feel and what you have decided in a clear way without humiliating them or making them feel less important than you.
Everyone needs friends and family in their lives, and now that you are going through all these disappointments, you will need them even more. What is important is to have relationships in your life that are meaningful, where both their and your needs are met. For this to be possible, there need to be boundaries. This means that your relationship with every person is different, and each person in every relationship must be aware of what he/she can do or can’t do in order not to overstep the line. This makes us trust and respect people and also gives us the opportunity to ask for support when we need it. The same applies with colleagues at work. If no ’boundaries’ have been set, people will take advantage of you, undermine you and generally not respect you. Try to be consistent in communicating in an assertive way and focus on your future goals. Remember that we cannot please everyone all the time. There will be those who refuse to change their behaviour towards you even though you have changed in the direction of your choice. We can only change ourselves, not others, so continue pursuing your objectives even if others stay the same.
Good luck
D.S.