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Ερώτηση
Every morning i have a sudden urge to have sex, so most of the times i fantasize bout my grlfrnd and have a shag, but sometimes another girl, who was my crush long back, pops in my mind. I do not have any feelings for this girl, but I think she has a great body, Albeit all my efforts to control my thoughts, I end up fantasizing bout her and reaching climax. After this I feel extremely disgusted, and I haven't dared to speak to my grl frnd about this.
Also sometimes, I have this sudden uncontrollable urge to watch porn in the mornings. Almost all the times, I turn it off and think of my grlfrnd and lose myself to her .. but there has been times where I've shagged the porn stars.
Now the thing is that I'm really disgusted at myself for watching porn .. in the past, I had been a porn addict, more of an exhibitionist over the internet, and I've taken all measures to stop myself from watching or seeking porn, which I believe has been successful.
Also I want to fantasize about my grlfrnd only, and no one else, because I love her so very much and I'm very satisfied with my sex-life with my girlfrnd.
couple of questions I would want you to answer.. How do I cut myself off porn forever, and I'm worried that these fantasies makes me an immoral person, and that I'm cheating on my girl friend. So I want to stop these.
please help me .. i seek you guidance ..
I'm a 24 yr old male. Working professional.
Also sometimes, I have this sudden uncontrollable urge to watch porn in the mornings. Almost all the times, I turn it off and think of my grlfrnd and lose myself to her .. but there has been times where I've shagged the porn stars.
Now the thing is that I'm really disgusted at myself for watching porn .. in the past, I had been a porn addict, more of an exhibitionist over the internet, and I've taken all measures to stop myself from watching or seeking porn, which I believe has been successful.
Also I want to fantasize about my grlfrnd only, and no one else, because I love her so very much and I'm very satisfied with my sex-life with my girlfrnd.
couple of questions I would want you to answer.. How do I cut myself off porn forever, and I'm worried that these fantasies makes me an immoral person, and that I'm cheating on my girl friend. So I want to stop these.
please help me .. i seek you guidance ..
I'm a 24 yr old male. Working professional.
Απάντηση
Dear friend,
From your letter I understood that you go through a state, in which you experience distress, feelings of guilt, and you have unwanted thoughts that bring you discomfort. I would like to start off with your feelings of guilt and disgust of yourself. Most of the times, these feelings bring nothing, but even more stress that make preoccupations even more intense. I can’t determine what is moral and what is immoral in terms of sexuality, because every person has his/her own sense of morality and values. However, psychologically speaking, most people have sexual fantasies and what seems to me to be the main issue in your case, is not the content of the actual sexual fantasies, or the fact that you watch porn, but mostly the fact that they appear as unwanted factors that cause you considerable discomfort. Moreover, you perceive that you’re unable to control neither the thoughts, nor the urge to watch porn and afterwards as you indicate you feel guilty and disgusted from yourself. What I would say is that in order to avoid unwanted thoughts or behaviors, you need to try to reduce your anxiety related with them and maybe even try to stop making so huge effort to suppress your thoughts, because usually the effort for thought suppression has the opposite effect.
From your letter I got the impression that the unwanted behaviors and thoughts appear mainly in the morning, which implies that probably there might be a learned pattern there. Moreover, you say that you love your girlfriend and you don’t report to have any sexual problems with her. Probably, in order to avoid repeating the same pattern that is so distressful for you, maybe it is a good idea to try and change your routine in the morning. You could get involved in an activity that is both pleasurable for you, and gets your mind off stress provoking thoughts. I understand that this is easier said than done, but you could actually try working out in the morning, or learn how to meditate, which both reduce anxiety and help have better attention focus. In your letter, you don’t specify for how long you have had these preoccupations about your private sexual behavior. However, since the issues of your concern are causing you considerable distress, you could benefit from meeting a counselor, who can consider your worries in a greater detail and will provide you with further guidance on possible resolutions.
From what I read in your letter I got the impression that you’re self-aware and strongly dedicated to overcome your worries, so I really hope that you reach your wanted results.
Yours
G. H.
From your letter I understood that you go through a state, in which you experience distress, feelings of guilt, and you have unwanted thoughts that bring you discomfort. I would like to start off with your feelings of guilt and disgust of yourself. Most of the times, these feelings bring nothing, but even more stress that make preoccupations even more intense. I can’t determine what is moral and what is immoral in terms of sexuality, because every person has his/her own sense of morality and values. However, psychologically speaking, most people have sexual fantasies and what seems to me to be the main issue in your case, is not the content of the actual sexual fantasies, or the fact that you watch porn, but mostly the fact that they appear as unwanted factors that cause you considerable discomfort. Moreover, you perceive that you’re unable to control neither the thoughts, nor the urge to watch porn and afterwards as you indicate you feel guilty and disgusted from yourself. What I would say is that in order to avoid unwanted thoughts or behaviors, you need to try to reduce your anxiety related with them and maybe even try to stop making so huge effort to suppress your thoughts, because usually the effort for thought suppression has the opposite effect.
From your letter I got the impression that the unwanted behaviors and thoughts appear mainly in the morning, which implies that probably there might be a learned pattern there. Moreover, you say that you love your girlfriend and you don’t report to have any sexual problems with her. Probably, in order to avoid repeating the same pattern that is so distressful for you, maybe it is a good idea to try and change your routine in the morning. You could get involved in an activity that is both pleasurable for you, and gets your mind off stress provoking thoughts. I understand that this is easier said than done, but you could actually try working out in the morning, or learn how to meditate, which both reduce anxiety and help have better attention focus. In your letter, you don’t specify for how long you have had these preoccupations about your private sexual behavior. However, since the issues of your concern are causing you considerable distress, you could benefit from meeting a counselor, who can consider your worries in a greater detail and will provide you with further guidance on possible resolutions.
From what I read in your letter I got the impression that you’re self-aware and strongly dedicated to overcome your worries, so I really hope that you reach your wanted results.
Yours
G. H.