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αυτοκτονία επικοινωνία φόβος εξωτερική εμφάνιση κιλά σωματικό βάρος αποδοχή απομόνωση μοναξιά άγχος πίεση ομοφυλοφιλία σεξουαλική ταυτότητα διάβασμα ανεργία none
Ερώτηση
City College,
I am a 25 year old female physician assistant living in small town.
I have two problems that have been bothering me for some time now.
First, I have never had a real relationship. I have never even been
kissed. I cannot fathom what could be so wrong with me that no one
has ever been interested. I know that I'm not gorgeous, but I'm not
ugly either. I have a great job and a ton of friends. I always
thought that maybe it was because I don't let my emotions show very
much. However, I recently let a good male friend of mine know that I
wanted to be more than friends. He basically just pretended that I
never brought it up. I get it if he's not interested, but the point
is, I do occasionally put myself out there, and I have never gotten a
good result. This leads me to my next problem.
As a physician assistant in a small town, I double as a
therapist/counselor since psychological help is hard to come by in a
rural area. The problem is, that I am expected to provide counseling
and insight for my patients about their relationships and sex life.
As you can guess, that is very difficult to do without any life
experience myself. I know that there is no real easy solution to
either of these problems. I just felt the need to express myself to
someone, and I couldn't face telling anyone I actually know. I'm not
sure telling a stranger is going to help either, but I'm so
discontented about this I just don't know what to do anymore.
Thanks,
Not Qualified
I am a 25 year old female physician assistant living in small town.
I have two problems that have been bothering me for some time now.
First, I have never had a real relationship. I have never even been
kissed. I cannot fathom what could be so wrong with me that no one
has ever been interested. I know that I'm not gorgeous, but I'm not
ugly either. I have a great job and a ton of friends. I always
thought that maybe it was because I don't let my emotions show very
much. However, I recently let a good male friend of mine know that I
wanted to be more than friends. He basically just pretended that I
never brought it up. I get it if he's not interested, but the point
is, I do occasionally put myself out there, and I have never gotten a
good result. This leads me to my next problem.
As a physician assistant in a small town, I double as a
therapist/counselor since psychological help is hard to come by in a
rural area. The problem is, that I am expected to provide counseling
and insight for my patients about their relationships and sex life.
As you can guess, that is very difficult to do without any life
experience myself. I know that there is no real easy solution to
either of these problems. I just felt the need to express myself to
someone, and I couldn't face telling anyone I actually know. I'm not
sure telling a stranger is going to help either, but I'm so
discontented about this I just don't know what to do anymore.
Thanks,
Not Qualified
Απάντηση
Dear ‘Not Qualified’,
It is always good to share a problem we may be having with someone, as it often gives us insight into what is happening to us and may lead to us seeing things from a different perspective. It is interesting that you address youself as ‘not qualified’ in your letter. This suggests negative talk aimed at yourself, both as far as relationships are concerned and your abilities to meet the challenges of your job.
You mention that one reason for your not being in a relationship in the past may be that you didn’t express your emotions. This may partially be the reason, as one should remember that it isn’t always easy for the opposite sex to express interest without their share of anxiety. It has to be a two-way process, and it really doesn’t have to do with whether one is attractive or not. Self-confidence comes from within, which becomes apparent to others when you are enjoying what you’re doing. Perhaps all this time of not being in a relationship has negatively affected the way you perceive yourself, which saps your self-confidence and prevents you from attracting the right person to you. Your attempt to communicate your romantic feelings to your friend may be an indication that you’re not willing or afraid to risk the unknown. Your friend was ‘safe territory’, as it was already established that he liked you as a person and didn’t require much risk-taking. Once you concentrate on being happy from within, the urgency for a relationship diminishes. Developing a relationship with ourselves which we are satisfied with involves accepting ourselves as we are, while at the same time acknowledging our strengths. One can also achieve personal fulfillment by engaging in activities that one enjoys. Gradually your self-esteem and confidence will grow and you will be attracting people who deserve to be in your company or in a relationship with you.
Concerning the issue you are having at work, it seems that there is a similar pattern. If your superiors have also assigned counselling to you, it is very possible that they believe you are capable of facing the challenge. You seem to be afraid of unknown territory here as well. You don’t necessarily have to have a lot of experience on these issues to be able to give advice. It may be an opportunity for you to do extra research and learn about a field that you would otherwise not have been exposed to. Being open to new experiences allows for growth both in character and opportunities in life.
I hope I have been of help and that things work out for you
Yours
DS
It is always good to share a problem we may be having with someone, as it often gives us insight into what is happening to us and may lead to us seeing things from a different perspective. It is interesting that you address youself as ‘not qualified’ in your letter. This suggests negative talk aimed at yourself, both as far as relationships are concerned and your abilities to meet the challenges of your job.
You mention that one reason for your not being in a relationship in the past may be that you didn’t express your emotions. This may partially be the reason, as one should remember that it isn’t always easy for the opposite sex to express interest without their share of anxiety. It has to be a two-way process, and it really doesn’t have to do with whether one is attractive or not. Self-confidence comes from within, which becomes apparent to others when you are enjoying what you’re doing. Perhaps all this time of not being in a relationship has negatively affected the way you perceive yourself, which saps your self-confidence and prevents you from attracting the right person to you. Your attempt to communicate your romantic feelings to your friend may be an indication that you’re not willing or afraid to risk the unknown. Your friend was ‘safe territory’, as it was already established that he liked you as a person and didn’t require much risk-taking. Once you concentrate on being happy from within, the urgency for a relationship diminishes. Developing a relationship with ourselves which we are satisfied with involves accepting ourselves as we are, while at the same time acknowledging our strengths. One can also achieve personal fulfillment by engaging in activities that one enjoys. Gradually your self-esteem and confidence will grow and you will be attracting people who deserve to be in your company or in a relationship with you.
Concerning the issue you are having at work, it seems that there is a similar pattern. If your superiors have also assigned counselling to you, it is very possible that they believe you are capable of facing the challenge. You seem to be afraid of unknown territory here as well. You don’t necessarily have to have a lot of experience on these issues to be able to give advice. It may be an opportunity for you to do extra research and learn about a field that you would otherwise not have been exposed to. Being open to new experiences allows for growth both in character and opportunities in life.
I hope I have been of help and that things work out for you
Yours
DS