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αυτοκτονία επικοινωνία φόβος εξωτερική εμφάνιση κιλά σωματικό βάρος αποδοχή απομόνωση μοναξιά άγχος πίεση ομοφυλοφιλία σεξουαλική ταυτότητα διάβασμα ανεργία none
Ερώτηση
Dear DS,
It will definitely be a challenge for me to live in a sexless relationship for the rest of my life. That's why I want to work it out now, because I really do love my partner. As far as the guilt thing, you are not the first person to hint that my partner is controlling.
As far as meeting each other's sexual needs, my partner doesn't have any. She hasn't had her sex drive for quite some time. She does offer to please me sexually, but as far as affection like kissing, etc. she doesn't want to do that since she doesn't have a sex drive. She was also raped when she was in high school, and I wonder if that plays a part in it too. She never reported it or went to counseling for it. It's just that the lack of any physical affection makes me really crave it. And, I can't seem to shake the feelings I have for my co-worker. I really don't want to cheat, but I really miss the affection! I think too I've experienced a lot of rejection in my life. My mother and I have always had problems. I was raised by my grandparent's. My grandpa just died in October '08. And, my grandma left me out of the funeral plans, out of the will, etc. And I wasn't being greedy, but it just really hurt me to be left out since my grandpa raised me. So, I think I have just really been craving the affection of a woman. And, my co-worker that I can't get over is 45 years old (almost the same age as my mother). I'm 28.
And, of course to if this is truly a health problem, I want to stand by my partner. And, MD could definitely cause problems!
It will definitely be a challenge for me to live in a sexless relationship for the rest of my life. That's why I want to work it out now, because I really do love my partner. As far as the guilt thing, you are not the first person to hint that my partner is controlling.
As far as meeting each other's sexual needs, my partner doesn't have any. She hasn't had her sex drive for quite some time. She does offer to please me sexually, but as far as affection like kissing, etc. she doesn't want to do that since she doesn't have a sex drive. She was also raped when she was in high school, and I wonder if that plays a part in it too. She never reported it or went to counseling for it. It's just that the lack of any physical affection makes me really crave it. And, I can't seem to shake the feelings I have for my co-worker. I really don't want to cheat, but I really miss the affection! I think too I've experienced a lot of rejection in my life. My mother and I have always had problems. I was raised by my grandparent's. My grandpa just died in October '08. And, my grandma left me out of the funeral plans, out of the will, etc. And I wasn't being greedy, but it just really hurt me to be left out since my grandpa raised me. So, I think I have just really been craving the affection of a woman. And, my co-worker that I can't get over is 45 years old (almost the same age as my mother). I'm 28.
And, of course to if this is truly a health problem, I want to stand by my partner. And, MD could definitely cause problems!
Απάντηση
Dear friend,
Everyone needs to be loved, shown affection and appreciated, and in your case, I can understand how much you long for these. However, sometimes these needs can be so overwhelming that one turns a blind eye to important issues in a relationship for fear of rejection and need to feel secure.
You talk about what you’re not getting out of the relationship, but say nothing about what your partner does offer you. If there aren’t other substantial things that will cement the relationship over time, (such as common interests, respect and trust) problems will arise with or without sex. In addition, ‘cheating’ on your partner with your co-worker would only put you in another relationship which you may not be able to handle, as you’re feeling vulnerable at the moment.
It seems that the best thing to do is to give each other some space, during which time you will both become more aware of the issues involved. Reassure her that you love her, explaining that it would be better for both of you and the relationship. You could also re-examine your goals in life, perhaps take up a new hobby and concentrate on how to make yourself more content with your life. You could also see a counsellor so that you can deal with your ‘rejection’ issues that you mention. You are still very young and have a lot to look forward to – both in terms of meeting new people to share your life with, and challenges which will give new meaning to your life.
I hope everything turns out well for you
Yours
D.S.
Everyone needs to be loved, shown affection and appreciated, and in your case, I can understand how much you long for these. However, sometimes these needs can be so overwhelming that one turns a blind eye to important issues in a relationship for fear of rejection and need to feel secure.
You talk about what you’re not getting out of the relationship, but say nothing about what your partner does offer you. If there aren’t other substantial things that will cement the relationship over time, (such as common interests, respect and trust) problems will arise with or without sex. In addition, ‘cheating’ on your partner with your co-worker would only put you in another relationship which you may not be able to handle, as you’re feeling vulnerable at the moment.
It seems that the best thing to do is to give each other some space, during which time you will both become more aware of the issues involved. Reassure her that you love her, explaining that it would be better for both of you and the relationship. You could also re-examine your goals in life, perhaps take up a new hobby and concentrate on how to make yourself more content with your life. You could also see a counsellor so that you can deal with your ‘rejection’ issues that you mention. You are still very young and have a lot to look forward to – both in terms of meeting new people to share your life with, and challenges which will give new meaning to your life.
I hope everything turns out well for you
Yours
D.S.