Thank you for communicating with us. It is encouraging on behalf of you that you have decided to express the way you feel at this time of your life. Reading your letter, I get the picture of a young woman that is in a quite confusing period, where her needs and desires are in conflict with what family wants for her. Apart from this, you are in a significant point of your life, and that is puberty, where confusion, frustration and sad feelings are usual. It would be helpful for you to know that puberty is experienced in this very same way by many people at your age.

One of the main problems that you address in your letter is that of your relationship with your father, which seems to have affected you a lot. Since he is one of the most important people in your life, as a parent, it is normal for you to feel angry and frustrated with him, and that he does not understand you or accept your choices. On the other hand, we live a big part of our lives in our family, with our parents, and most people feel, in a way, that they have to fulfill some expectations, which are usually created in the family, by one or the other parent or both of them (either this is a certain education, career or other kinds of lifestyle). This conflict between what we need and want, and what our parents tell us we should do (or what we feel we should do), is capable of creating intense and negative emotions. I get the impression that you are in a similar situation, but you have also made the step to make a clear statement of how you want to continue with your studies, or rebelled, as you say in your letter. Since you have to make some important decisions, it is normal to find out that your needs and your parents' expectations do not agree (and this is typical and sometimes, necessary, when we pass from the stage of the teenager to this of the adult). However, any decision you make, would be better based on your desires (since studies usually lead to a job that we have to do for the rest of our lives), and not on your negative feelings about your father. It seems that going to college would give you a physical distance from him, but the fact that you feel this way about him, would probably stay the same, and unresolved.

Moreover, apart from your rebellion and the bad relationship with your father, it would be good for you to know that parents are, and feel, greatly responsible for their childrens' choices in life, and that is why sometimes may be really strict about it. I am sure that you have heard parents say that everything they do is for their childrens' own good. In most cases, this is the fact, as they believe that this way they will help them make the right decisions and avoid the wrong ones. So what makes them different from what their children want, is a different way of thinking, which, for them, seems right. In your case, and however difficult it may seem to you, an attempt to understand how your father thinks, and how his way of thinking affects his behavior to you, would be a great and helpful step. Equally, and most importantly, it would be helpful to make your father see why you think that your choices are better for you. So, you could try, a little by little, to approach your father and make small conversations with him about your disagreements. Talking with honesty about the way that you see things, may help him understand you. And although I understand your anger about him, and probably your belief that he will never change, it would be good to remember that people are different and thus, believe in different things. The most helpful way to understand each other is an honest conversation, although it may not change things magically, but it may help you decrease the negative emotions towards your father, which affect you so much.

In your letter you also refer to your relationships with your friends in school, but it is not clear why you were alone the last years. The fact that now you seem to be more open and enjoy some friendships, is really pleasant. It would be good though to understand why you felt so lonely before. Do you feel that you kept a distance from others, making it difficult for you to make friends? (many people find it hard to open themselves to others, either because they are shy, or they are afraid that they may be rejected) On the other hand, could something else be the reason for your loneliness that has to do with you family, as you say? Did you feel that you were somehow different, and that stopped you from trying to approach others? You also mention that you are in the same classes with a boy that you had a crash with, and this makes it difficult not to remember that he rejected you.. It seems that this situation was a painful experience for you, especially when you did not have someone to talk about it. Since now you have met some people, it would be better for you to focus in these relationships and all the positive things that happen in your life, rather than bring to your mind all the time how you felt before. Being open with others and building relationships has many advantages, as you may share your problems (and often discover that many people may have the same ones as you!) , have fun (which is one of the beautiful things in your age!) and have the chance to meet new people (including boys).

Finally, I would like to refer to the way you start your letter, saying that you are probably depressed for some time now. Negative feelings can vary and be less or more serious. Your consant cofict with your father, the lack of a person to talk to, and the negative experiences you had in school, are some reasons that normally make you feel this way. Moreover, you are in puberty, and this period is full of changes that create confusion, and many people experience it by being melancholic, pessimistic and more sensitive. However, if you think that these feelings are too intense for you, and somehow different from just being melancholic once in a while, it is necessary for you to take care of them. Depression is a serious disease that has other symptoms too, like losing your apetite or eating too much, having difficulty to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time, feeling tired and irritated, having bad thoughts about yourself and the world around you. It is something that can happen to anyone and many people suffer from it. So there is no reason for you to feel guilty about it, but if you think that you have any of the symptoms mentioned above, then it would be absolutely necessary to talk to someone who is a specialised psychologist or psychiatrist in your town. In all cases of depression, going to an expert is necessary, normal and pretty helpful, as you can discuss what makes you feel this way, understand the bad emotions and decrease them.

I hope that I have helped you in the very best way, however, it would be good for you to know that a simple letter is not enough and can not replace a real conversation with an expert psychologist. The decisions you make about college are also yours (and it would not be my role to tell you what to do). It would be nice to think what makes you happy above all, before making them. College is a whole new world and if you try to approach people (and not let school experiences affect you), there is no reason to be afraid that you will not make any friends. Finally, if you think that your depressed feelings are serious, you should talk to someone close to you (a member of your family) and visit an expert, which will offer you important help. I would be glad to answer any other questions you may have.

D.