Dear friend,


Thank you for turning to our service for advice. I understand that you’re in a delicate situation, because there are a number of factors that make you feel uncomfortable. First of all, being homosexual is your own choice and orientation, to which no one has any say. That’s your decision to make. However, I would suggest you to ask yourself two questions: 1. “Am I stressed because of what others will think of me?” and 2. “Am I confused about my sexual orientation?”. From what I read in your letter I got the feeling that you’re mostly concerned about the reaction that other people will have, which is absolutely normal. Being different (especially in certain societies) is not an easy task. You’ll have to be prepared that not all people will accept that you’re a gay man, but in life not all people could accept us anyways, for different reasons. The most important issue is not whether others will accept you, but if you’ll accept yourself in the first place. In your letter you say that you’re “under cover”. Have you ever considered sharing your secret with a close friend that you trust? Maybe you’re afraid that your friends or close people will not accept you, but that might not be the case. Sometimes it’s our own lack of acceptance that we project and expect from other people. Moreover, they may be a source of support and understanding for you. However, you can determine whether you have people that you can trust, so I’m not guiding you to share your secret, just presenting an idea. If your answer to the second question is yes, than probably you can benefit from counseling, or a conversation with professional, who won’t judge you, and will help you get your clear answer of what you want in an atmosphere of acceptance and encouragement. However if you’re confident that you’re a gay man, that’s just who you are, and I suppose that what you’ll need to work on if this is the case, isn’t to fix or change who you are, but to work on the way you see yourself, in order to accept and love yourself as you are. Most of us have characteristics that we’re afraid to express, because we’re either ashamed, or we think others won’t accept us or that they’ll judge us. It is about working on the doubt that’s within us, that will help overcome the difficulties. You say that you’re considering to try having a relationship with a girl and have family and children. You could ask yourself though if it’s better to be dishonest with yourself and with the girl you’re with. If you feel like living with a girl and have family, that’s fine, but imagine what your life would be if you need to pretend everyday and suppress your natural self. If the reason why you want to get married is to have children, you could explore other options, such as adoption. It is never easy to make big life decisions, and there are no right and wrong answers, and it would be nice to seek those that help us feel comfortable and in agreement with ourselves and with the people we live with. If you feel that you’re confused and you have nobody to talk to in order to make your decision, you can always go and talk to a counselor, which will ensure you that you’ll talk to someone who won’t impose their personal values on you, and will let you make the decision yourself. Finally, don’t be ashamed or scared of who you are and don’t be scared to seek what’s best for you even if you can’t please everyone with your decision. Best wishes and good luck!


Best
G.