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αυτοκτονία επικοινωνία φόβος εξωτερική εμφάνιση κιλά σωματικό βάρος αποδοχή απομόνωση μοναξιά άγχος πίεση ομοφυλοφιλία σεξουαλική ταυτότητα διάβασμα ανεργία none
Ερώτηση
Dear Sirs/Madam,
My girlfriend is 21 & I m 27. I’m working as an Accountant. We start to love before 2 ½ years. She's not like other girls & she's good until now. We meet each other through yahoo messenger & soon become lovers. we both in good & true love. until before 8 months she dont hide me anything. we know each other's password. past 8 months i felt she's changing little by little. before i have many girls in my list she feel jealous & soon i stop all the girls & ignore them coz i need my gf & not other girls & i love her more deeply & truely.
Until october 09 she always spend her time with me chatting online for minimum 5 hours per day. she dont spend her time with her friends. she finish college she back to home & come online & chat me until late night. from october'2009 she reduce chat me & telling she's sleeping & tired n from December she chat me little ie.,30 mins per day. if I ask her cousins they are telling that she’s sleeping. she tells that she feels tired & many days she don’t chat me also. I m sending her gifts & also money every month. problem arises when my money reach her late coz of bankers problem. every time while I send her money she receive late 1 month & she tells that I lied her without understand me even after I show her banker’s transaction receipt. From that days she start to mad & fight with me always…whenever she fight her aunt & cousins help me & make her to speak with me. She fight me minimum 5 days in a week & whenever she fight I feel more hurt. but I don’t know why she don’t understand that Im hurting. At the month of march I send her money but she don’t receive for 1 ½ months. Its her holiday & she went to home town for 1 ½ months. until last 10days she attend my phone then she don’t attend. That time we have more problem. when she back to home I ask her cousin what happens she told coz of late in money my Gf is mad with me & my gf refused to speak me. finally after 3 days she speak me. that days are very worst days in my life. ever I don’t seen Hell days like that. she speak me after 3 days but not like before.she told me she want to focus study.i told her ok u focus study & wat u do after study she told she will go to work & I ask u marry me or others? She told me she don’t know.i shock really my heart broken on that word.she told me that really her love reduced & not like before. She told I disappoint her many times & she feels tired with me. she told that’s y she can’t stay with a relation for long time. before many times she promise me that she don’t leave me forever I ask her why she forgot that promise she told she cant give me promise that she stay with me forever. I ask help from her cousins & aunt.they told she don’t hear them & they can’t do anything & better to move on. but I try more she to stay with me coz she’s my life. then after she receive money she will get ok.but still she’s not like before ie., love me deeply like before.yet lot of differences from her.I came to know she have a facebook A/C. Before she have 2 friendster’s. in that friendster she set her status as “engaged & in a relationship” & to whom you meet as “I already meet my future husband” but in facebook A/C she set her as single & she wanna meet guys for friendship & her status message is “hi guys Im here” & “its me guys”.She hide facebook a/c from me for 5 months with more than 50 friends in her list. When I ask her why she hide that id to me for 5 months she answer that just friends so no need to tell. I ask her password & she told its her personal & no way to give. Finally I get her password & open it & change her profile pic to my pic.Today while I chat with her in yahoo she’s busy in facebook also. when I ask her with whom ur speaking she lied me that she’s checking her friend’s pic.after she signout I open her facebook & came to read her chat with a guy (just friends).She complaint him that I set my pic as her facebook profile she don’t like it and change it N also she feels irritate that even she haven’t freedom with her friends. she reply me late but she speaks her friend. im really feel jealous & possessiveness if she speaks with any guy coz same she do to me when I speak with other girls I respect her feelings & ignore all of them. But now she tell me u can speak with girls & I don’t feel jealous. Now many times Im thinking that she really love me? Otherwise her love reduced just for money? How a true love changes coz of money & disappointment? Really Im not sure now weather she stay with me forever or she leave me. Now Im thinking before 2 ½ years she love me or just affection only? Coz love dont change but affection changes always. My position now is really I can’t leave her & can’t change my heart. y she complaint about me to her friend if She love me truly or her love is fake? She just speaking for me for time pass. now Im in a position to live or die. If I tell I can’t live without her she replies don’t make me scare telling u die. good news is truly she don’t have other bf. But I don’t know why she give importance to her friends than me. I need help what to do?
by
RGS
My girlfriend is 21 & I m 27. I’m working as an Accountant. We start to love before 2 ½ years. She's not like other girls & she's good until now. We meet each other through yahoo messenger & soon become lovers. we both in good & true love. until before 8 months she dont hide me anything. we know each other's password. past 8 months i felt she's changing little by little. before i have many girls in my list she feel jealous & soon i stop all the girls & ignore them coz i need my gf & not other girls & i love her more deeply & truely.
Until october 09 she always spend her time with me chatting online for minimum 5 hours per day. she dont spend her time with her friends. she finish college she back to home & come online & chat me until late night. from october'2009 she reduce chat me & telling she's sleeping & tired n from December she chat me little ie.,30 mins per day. if I ask her cousins they are telling that she’s sleeping. she tells that she feels tired & many days she don’t chat me also. I m sending her gifts & also money every month. problem arises when my money reach her late coz of bankers problem. every time while I send her money she receive late 1 month & she tells that I lied her without understand me even after I show her banker’s transaction receipt. From that days she start to mad & fight with me always…whenever she fight her aunt & cousins help me & make her to speak with me. She fight me minimum 5 days in a week & whenever she fight I feel more hurt. but I don’t know why she don’t understand that Im hurting. At the month of march I send her money but she don’t receive for 1 ½ months. Its her holiday & she went to home town for 1 ½ months. until last 10days she attend my phone then she don’t attend. That time we have more problem. when she back to home I ask her cousin what happens she told coz of late in money my Gf is mad with me & my gf refused to speak me. finally after 3 days she speak me. that days are very worst days in my life. ever I don’t seen Hell days like that. she speak me after 3 days but not like before.she told me she want to focus study.i told her ok u focus study & wat u do after study she told she will go to work & I ask u marry me or others? She told me she don’t know.i shock really my heart broken on that word.she told me that really her love reduced & not like before. She told I disappoint her many times & she feels tired with me. she told that’s y she can’t stay with a relation for long time. before many times she promise me that she don’t leave me forever I ask her why she forgot that promise she told she cant give me promise that she stay with me forever. I ask help from her cousins & aunt.they told she don’t hear them & they can’t do anything & better to move on. but I try more she to stay with me coz she’s my life. then after she receive money she will get ok.but still she’s not like before ie., love me deeply like before.yet lot of differences from her.I came to know she have a facebook A/C. Before she have 2 friendster’s. in that friendster she set her status as “engaged & in a relationship” & to whom you meet as “I already meet my future husband” but in facebook A/C she set her as single & she wanna meet guys for friendship & her status message is “hi guys Im here” & “its me guys”.She hide facebook a/c from me for 5 months with more than 50 friends in her list. When I ask her why she hide that id to me for 5 months she answer that just friends so no need to tell. I ask her password & she told its her personal & no way to give. Finally I get her password & open it & change her profile pic to my pic.Today while I chat with her in yahoo she’s busy in facebook also. when I ask her with whom ur speaking she lied me that she’s checking her friend’s pic.after she signout I open her facebook & came to read her chat with a guy (just friends).She complaint him that I set my pic as her facebook profile she don’t like it and change it N also she feels irritate that even she haven’t freedom with her friends. she reply me late but she speaks her friend. im really feel jealous & possessiveness if she speaks with any guy coz same she do to me when I speak with other girls I respect her feelings & ignore all of them. But now she tell me u can speak with girls & I don’t feel jealous. Now many times Im thinking that she really love me? Otherwise her love reduced just for money? How a true love changes coz of money & disappointment? Really Im not sure now weather she stay with me forever or she leave me. Now Im thinking before 2 ½ years she love me or just affection only? Coz love dont change but affection changes always. My position now is really I can’t leave her & can’t change my heart. y she complaint about me to her friend if She love me truly or her love is fake? She just speaking for me for time pass. now Im in a position to live or die. If I tell I can’t live without her she replies don’t make me scare telling u die. good news is truly she don’t have other bf. But I don’t know why she give importance to her friends than me. I need help what to do?
by
RGS
Απάντηση
Dear RGS,
Thank you for your letter. From what I understand you are currently in long distance relationship with a girl from a different country. Even though you have been dating for over 2 ½ years, in the last 8 months things seemed to you different than before. You are explaining that in the last 8 months, your communication is not like before and you are spending less time talking. Moreover, she shared with you that she is having second thoughts about getting married and that she needs time to consider her feelings for you. It is unclear from your letter if your relationship involves face-to-face interaction and if you visit each other. Moreover, I am not sure if you talked about the future and how long will your relationship have to be a long distance one. Furthermore, I could not quite understand the nature of your relationship in terms of her financial stability. In this letter, I want to tackle 3 main points that might help you see the picture more clearly: the control level, the communication, and the family involvement in the relationship.
Firstly, you mention that in the past your relationship was very open and you shared everything including your email passwords. Furthermore, you point out that she used to stay online with you at least 7 hours every day. However, you describe than in the last 8 months things changed: she is spending less time with you on the phone, sometimes she is not picking up your calls, and she is hiding her passwords. From your letter I understand that she is currently a student. I am not sure if she just started university or if she recently changed departments or universities. One possible explanation for the change in her behavior could be the fact that she is indeed under stress either from her family or from university. Maybe the new academic year took a turn on her studies and she indeed has more tasks. What is clear from what she told you and from what you have been able to understand is that she is not comfortable with the high level of control in the relationship like before. It is important to have an open conversation about where you both stand in your relationship and to see how to reach a compromise. If she feels she needs more independence, maybe you both could try to find a middle way in which she has some degree of independence and you do not feel hurt. In a relationship it is important to have some degree of independence and of some activities or hobbies outside the relationship. It is unclear from you letter how much social support you have and how much time you spend on your hobbies outside of the relationship. In regard to the facebook incident it is unclear if she gave you her password or if you found it out without her knowing. Regardless, the incident seems like an invasion of privacy. She seems upset that you decided to change her profile picture and her relationship status without asking her first. It is understandable that you maybe felt angry when you saw her facebook profile. However, a better approach would have been to confront her about it and ask her why she felt the need to hide her profile from you and set her status as single. Your approach in changing her profile picture did make her more upset since it made her feel like her privacy was violated. It is important to put yourself in her shoes and see how would such an action made you feel. The best way to approach the issue now is to apologize and explain openly why the facebook account made you feel hurt and angry.
Secondly, communication is important in any relationships but is key in a long distance relationship. From you letter it seems that there is a lack of open communication between the two of you. You mention that in the last 8 months she have been constantly having arguments that you do not seem to resolve. As explained in the facebook incident, it is important you always clearly state your opinion and your emotions. When you feelings get hurt, it is crucial to assertively communicate it with your partner and explain to her why you feel the way you do in certain situations. Moreover, it is important to try to listen to your partner and try to understand why she might feel they way she does and what can you do to find a middle ground in your relationship where both you and her are happy.
Lastly, I want to discuss a little about her family’s involvement in your relationship. It seems from your letter that her family plays a big role in your relationship. You seem to turn to them in helping you solve conflicts with your girlfriend. While the family support is important, you should discuss to your partner how she feels about it. She is ok with her family being part of our relationship?
Hope the letter helps you put things into perspective and give you some tools to tackle the issues that might arise in the future. Further, I wish you good luck with your relationship and hope you will find a middle ground where both of you are happy.
Best regards
Thank you for your letter. From what I understand you are currently in long distance relationship with a girl from a different country. Even though you have been dating for over 2 ½ years, in the last 8 months things seemed to you different than before. You are explaining that in the last 8 months, your communication is not like before and you are spending less time talking. Moreover, she shared with you that she is having second thoughts about getting married and that she needs time to consider her feelings for you. It is unclear from your letter if your relationship involves face-to-face interaction and if you visit each other. Moreover, I am not sure if you talked about the future and how long will your relationship have to be a long distance one. Furthermore, I could not quite understand the nature of your relationship in terms of her financial stability. In this letter, I want to tackle 3 main points that might help you see the picture more clearly: the control level, the communication, and the family involvement in the relationship.
Firstly, you mention that in the past your relationship was very open and you shared everything including your email passwords. Furthermore, you point out that she used to stay online with you at least 7 hours every day. However, you describe than in the last 8 months things changed: she is spending less time with you on the phone, sometimes she is not picking up your calls, and she is hiding her passwords. From your letter I understand that she is currently a student. I am not sure if she just started university or if she recently changed departments or universities. One possible explanation for the change in her behavior could be the fact that she is indeed under stress either from her family or from university. Maybe the new academic year took a turn on her studies and she indeed has more tasks. What is clear from what she told you and from what you have been able to understand is that she is not comfortable with the high level of control in the relationship like before. It is important to have an open conversation about where you both stand in your relationship and to see how to reach a compromise. If she feels she needs more independence, maybe you both could try to find a middle way in which she has some degree of independence and you do not feel hurt. In a relationship it is important to have some degree of independence and of some activities or hobbies outside the relationship. It is unclear from you letter how much social support you have and how much time you spend on your hobbies outside of the relationship. In regard to the facebook incident it is unclear if she gave you her password or if you found it out without her knowing. Regardless, the incident seems like an invasion of privacy. She seems upset that you decided to change her profile picture and her relationship status without asking her first. It is understandable that you maybe felt angry when you saw her facebook profile. However, a better approach would have been to confront her about it and ask her why she felt the need to hide her profile from you and set her status as single. Your approach in changing her profile picture did make her more upset since it made her feel like her privacy was violated. It is important to put yourself in her shoes and see how would such an action made you feel. The best way to approach the issue now is to apologize and explain openly why the facebook account made you feel hurt and angry.
Secondly, communication is important in any relationships but is key in a long distance relationship. From you letter it seems that there is a lack of open communication between the two of you. You mention that in the last 8 months she have been constantly having arguments that you do not seem to resolve. As explained in the facebook incident, it is important you always clearly state your opinion and your emotions. When you feelings get hurt, it is crucial to assertively communicate it with your partner and explain to her why you feel the way you do in certain situations. Moreover, it is important to try to listen to your partner and try to understand why she might feel they way she does and what can you do to find a middle ground in your relationship where both you and her are happy.
Lastly, I want to discuss a little about her family’s involvement in your relationship. It seems from your letter that her family plays a big role in your relationship. You seem to turn to them in helping you solve conflicts with your girlfriend. While the family support is important, you should discuss to your partner how she feels about it. She is ok with her family being part of our relationship?
Hope the letter helps you put things into perspective and give you some tools to tackle the issues that might arise in the future. Further, I wish you good luck with your relationship and hope you will find a middle ground where both of you are happy.
Best regards