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Ερώτηση
I am C, 33 years old, married and with a 9 months old baby boy. I work as doctor. I think since about 9 or 10 years ago I started watching nude female photos online, and after downloading porno movies. I have 2 fetish: feet fetish and another way more stranger, which is to pretend my wife is unconscious. Those porno movies i said before are about these 2 fetish. I had troubles with my wife because of that, and I removed all movies and photos long time ago. but always it use to come again: being hidden i downloaded again these kind of movies using these free online programs. and again fighting's came back. the last movie I have downloaded and erased was i think in august last year, but yesterday happened again: we were looking for some specific program to make fonts for Word, but as we saw they were all for payment, she asked me "why not to try and download something for free", so I went alone to the other pc we have, and as soon as I opened this program I remembered "this was the program I used to use for those porno movies downloading", and I didn't even realized I already wrote on searching the name of a specific porno movie again, honestly i didn't click on search yet, and i think i wouldn't do it, even when I think I wrote it just to see if it was still there, but suddenly my wife appeared in the room and i had not even time to turn it off or erase it, she discovered what I wrote and all started again. she told me she regrets of married me, regrets even of met me, and that the only that keeps her here is our son. i feel terrible, completely destroyed thinking of the future as a father for my son, as a husband for her. I really don't want to come to this past again, i am not a teenager anymore, but i really don't know what to do. several times I tried to stop myself when i had wishes to download something, and until yesterday it seemed to work, but honestly even when i didn't download them I will not lie I had wishes and sometimes desperation in having those movies again. but I don't want this anymore. this seems stupid once i read it but honestly for me is a hell. I don't want to lose the woman I love nor my baby for a stupid thing like this. its the first time I accept I need help as what I did seems not to heal me. please if you have some advice or tips to do I will really appreciate it
regards
regards
Απάντηση
Dear C,
First of all I would like to thank you for writing this letter to e-counselling, speaking about the problem that you are facing with a specialist represents a first step that you have made into solving it.
Many couples face nowadays issues similar to the one you and your wife are experiencing. Information on almost any subject can be found on the internet, moreover online porno movies and websites with erotic content are increasing every day and are easily accessible to people. This fact has often made people change or diversify their sexual fantasies. Adults, not only teenagers, watch porno films.
It is unclear for me weather you stared watching nude female photos and downloading porno movies before or after you married. If you adopted this behaviour after you married, maybe you could reflect a bit on the events that triggered it. What was going on in your life when you started watching porno movies? Are you satisfied with your sex-life?
There is another aspect that is unclear to me. You said that your wife caught you watching porno movies and that she got very upset because of this. Did you talk to your wife openly about what you are going through, does she know that you want to overcome this situation? It is possible that she will understand you better if you tell her about your struggle and your desire to make your marriage work. I was also wondering whether you have considered talking to your wife about your two fetishes; it is possible that in time, with the help that trust and love give, you will incorporate in some way or another, your fetishes into your sex life. It seems as though you worked a lot and that you continue working in order to have a happy marriage and be a good father and it is never too late to start communicating and sharing your secrets with your wife. Even if her reaction to what you are saying is not understanding, compassionate, the fact that you liberated yourself from your worries is very healthy.
I also encourage you to listen to your wife as she might be going through a difficult time and might be preoccupied by other problems. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
It is possible to talk to a couple’s therapist that could assist you and your wife into clarifying your relationship.
Please do not hesitate to contact e-counselling again if you have further questions.
Best regards,
C.N.
First of all I would like to thank you for writing this letter to e-counselling, speaking about the problem that you are facing with a specialist represents a first step that you have made into solving it.
Many couples face nowadays issues similar to the one you and your wife are experiencing. Information on almost any subject can be found on the internet, moreover online porno movies and websites with erotic content are increasing every day and are easily accessible to people. This fact has often made people change or diversify their sexual fantasies. Adults, not only teenagers, watch porno films.
It is unclear for me weather you stared watching nude female photos and downloading porno movies before or after you married. If you adopted this behaviour after you married, maybe you could reflect a bit on the events that triggered it. What was going on in your life when you started watching porno movies? Are you satisfied with your sex-life?
There is another aspect that is unclear to me. You said that your wife caught you watching porno movies and that she got very upset because of this. Did you talk to your wife openly about what you are going through, does she know that you want to overcome this situation? It is possible that she will understand you better if you tell her about your struggle and your desire to make your marriage work. I was also wondering whether you have considered talking to your wife about your two fetishes; it is possible that in time, with the help that trust and love give, you will incorporate in some way or another, your fetishes into your sex life. It seems as though you worked a lot and that you continue working in order to have a happy marriage and be a good father and it is never too late to start communicating and sharing your secrets with your wife. Even if her reaction to what you are saying is not understanding, compassionate, the fact that you liberated yourself from your worries is very healthy.
I also encourage you to listen to your wife as she might be going through a difficult time and might be preoccupied by other problems. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
It is possible to talk to a couple’s therapist that could assist you and your wife into clarifying your relationship.
Please do not hesitate to contact e-counselling again if you have further questions.
Best regards,
C.N.